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È sotto gli occhi di tutti che l’Occidente, l’Italia e persino il Veneto, terra della concretezza, hanno perso i contatti con la realtà. Adesso viviamo nella «realtà aumentata». In soccorso dei profani, a cominciare dal sottoscritto, giunge lo Zingarelli: «Realtà aumentata. Tecnologia che, sovrapponendo immagini di sintesi fisse o in movimento a quelle del mondo reale, crea un campo di visione unico dando la sensazione realistica di eventi virtuali». In parole ancora più povere: si tratta di elementi inesistenti nella realtà, che vengono aggiunti sotto forma di disegni alla scena vera e che sono visibili solo tramite un’applicazione, nel caso di specie installata sul telefonino.
Come avrete capito, c’entrano gli elaboratori elettronici, il digitale e tutte quelle diavolerie lì, in teoria meravigliose.
Agli inizi di luglio guidavo l’auto nel traffico di Londra. Nei pressi di Hyde park, un tizio che mi precedeva ha messo la freccia, ha accostato, è sceso dalla vettura, abbandonandola incustodita con la portiera aperta, ed è corso a cercare qualcosa nell’erba. Puntava verso il prato il telefonino, come se fosse un contatore Geiger. Essendo reduce da una visita alla casa-studio di Sigmund Freud, ho pensato che c’entrasse la psicopatologia. Ho capito di non essere lontano dal vero quando, più tardi, mi è stato spiegato che quel picchiatello andava a caccia di Pokémon, «creature immaginarie che gli umani possono catturare, allenare e far combattere per divertimento» (qui viene in soccorso Wikipedia, molto attendibile su simili argomenti e assai poco su altri), inventate nel 1996 da un informatico giapponese per un videogioco, e infatti i miei figli ci si trastullavano all’età di 6 anni. Ma il soggetto in cui mi ero imbattuto nella capitale britannica aveva i capelli brizzolati. Delle due l’una: o sono pazzo io o era pazzo lui.
Tornato nel Belpaese, ho cercato rifugio in Lessinia, con la speranza che l’aria fine di montagna spazzasse via il brutto incubo. Ma anche qui, dove un tempo si sentiva solo «il rumore dell’erba cresce» (poetica definizione del padre di Gigliola Cinquetti, che l’aveva eletta a sua seconda patria), lo stordimento era in agguato. Cena in un ristorante di Velo Veronese. Nel tavolo accanto siedono padre, madre e due figli in età da università. C’è anche la fidanzata di uno dei giovanotti. Al momento del dessert, si uniscono i nonni, che parlano a voce alta in dialetto mantovano, o forse emiliano. A un certo punto uno dei ragazzi, circa 20 anni, ipnotizzato dal gioco Pokémon Go, strepita: «Guarda, qui in piazza c’è Charmender!». Sta orientando il telefonino verso il monumento ai Caduti della Grande guerra (immagino la gioia dei morti per questo segno di attenzione). Il fratello domanda: «L’hai preso?». Interviene la nonna per chiedere chiarimenti: «Ma è una bestiolina? Cammina? Corre o vola? Ma si vede?». Intanto volano per davvero tre codirossi che hanno fatto il nido in un anfratto sulla facciata del ristorante. Nessuno se ne accorge.
I nipoti spiegano alla vegliarda che questo Charmender non si vede sulla piazza vera e propria, ma solo sull’immagine della medesima che appare nel display del cellulare. Lei non sembra stupirsi più di tanto. Nonostante abbia i capelli bianchi, un istante dopo anche la nonna estrae dalla borsetta il suo smartphone e, clic, fotografa, prima di papparselo, il dolce che la cameriera le ha appena servito.
Reduce dal desinare prealpino, ho tentato di saperne di più (qui mi è venuta in soccorso la figlia che studia giapponese a Ca’ Foscari). Ho così scoperto, e mi sono state fornite prove fotografiche, che i Pokémon avevano colonizzato le mie contrade, fissando punti d’incontro, chiamati pokéstop, davanti alla chiesa parrocchiale (con la seguente spiegazione letterale, infarcita di errori cronologici e semantici: «Presente Pantheons del II° sec. d.c.»), davanti al capitello della Madonna, davanti alla chiesetta di San Zeno in Vendri e persino davanti alla croce lignea posata nel 1951 in ricordo della missione predicata dai Redentoristi, dal che ho dedotto che i mostriciattoli nipponici sono più devoti dei cristiani italici. «Toccando la foto della croce ricevi punti esperienza, pokéball e altri strumenti, in modalità random. Quando ti compare un Pokémon sulla mappa, lo schiacci per acchiapparlo», riassumo la spiegazione, senza sapere di che parlo. «Per far muovere il tuo personaggio, è necessario camminare sulla superficie terrestre. L’applicazione sfrutta il segnale satellitare Gps e il contapassi dello smartphone per rintracciarti e posizionare il tuo personaggio nel punto in cui ti trovi nel mondo reale». Mi pare d’avervi detto tutto. Se non ci avete capito nulla, significa che sono in buona compagnia.
All’ora di pranzo, neanche il tempo per deglutire il rospo ed ecco la sigla d’apertura di un telegiornale, non ricordo quale: la «Pokémon mania» era il secondo titolo. Mentre la Nintendo, produttrice del gioco, volava più in Borsa che per strada, nei giorni successivi sono stato investito da una fiumana di notizie una più sconcertante dell’altra. A Palm Coast, in Florida, un uomo ha sparato a due adolescenti che cercavano uno dei personaggi animati davanti a casa sua. A New York centinaia di persone sono affluite a Central Park, pestandosi i piedi per dare la caccia a uno dei Pokémon più ambìti. In Virginia frotte di sacrileghi si sono addirittura scapicollate fra le lapidi del cimitero nazionale di Arlington, dove sono sepolti i soldati caduti nella guerra di secessione, nei due conflitti mondiali, in Vietnam, nonché il presidente John Kennedy e suo fratello Robert, entrambi assassinati, e pure le vittime degli attentati dell’11 settembre 2001. E hanno violato le stanze del Museo dell’Olocausto a Washington. Questo negli Stati Uniti (tutte le scemate vengono da lì, c’è poco da fare, noi ci limitiamo a importarle). L’Europa si è subito allineata. Le immagini dei pupazzetti hanno violato il perimetro del campo di sterminio ad Auschwitz e il Memoriale della Shoah a Berlino.
E in Italia? Un noto avvocato di Pordenone, Francesco Furlan, ha dimenticato di chiudere a chiave la porta di casa e si è ritrovato due ragazzine nel suo salotto intente a cercare i Pokémon con lo smartphone, per cui ha dovuto mettere un cartello all’ingresso: «Questa è un’abitazione privata. Per la “palestra dei Pokémon” siete pregati di rivolgervi al Centro di salute mentale. Chiunque verrà visto aggirarsi all’interno della proprietà privata sarà denunciato per violazione di domicilio».
A Venezia la Digos e gli artificieri sono stati costretti ad accorrere al ponte del Cavallino dov’era scattato l’allarme bomba: in realtà si trattava di un rilevatore geocaching per catturare gli animaletti virtuali. A Padova i carabinieri hanno fermato e multato (210 euro) due universitari che, entrambi in sella sullo stesso motorino, alle 5 di mattina sfrecciavano tenendo d’occhio il Pokémon Go sul cellulare anziché la strada.
A Ravenna tale Loris Pagano, ventisettenne che lavora part time in un fast food, ha trovato il modo di arrotondare cercando gli immaginari personaggi giapponesi per conto terzi. «Ho ricevuto una richiesta da un giudice di Milano che voleva andassi avanti io nei livelli», ha dichiarato al Corriere della Sera. «La tariffa è 15 euro all’ora, ma vado incontro alle richieste con pacchetti convenienti». Chi ha detto che il Jobs act non funziona? Si aprono prospettive insperate anche per i pensionati, che potrebbero giocare a briscola al posto vostro all’osteria Ai Osei: con un quinto – 3 euro l’ora di Merlot – dovreste cavarvela.
Un tempo i maschi uscivano di casa la sera per andare ad acchiappare le femmine, abitudine non sempre commendevole dal punto di vista morale, che tuttavia ha consentito alla specie umana di giungere bella vispa fino ai nostri giorni. Adesso girano per strada per tampinare Pikachu e Bulbasaur nelle aiuole e ai crocevia.
Non per indulgere al nostalgismo, ma ricordo che già quando Berta filava la lana si diceva con sospiroso rimpianto: «Non ci sono più gli uomini di una volta». Oggi la frase andrebbe corretta così: «Non ci sono più gli uomini», tout court. Gli adulti sono diventati bambini, cioè, per dirlo alla lettera, sono rimbambiti, da «rin-», prefisso che indica con valore di opposizione il ritorno a una fase anteriore, e «bambo», sostantivo che nel secolo XIII designava il bambino ma oggi sta per sciocco, cosicché il verbo rimbambire ha assunto quest’unico significato: istupidire, rincretinire, perdere la capacità di ragionare.
Basta guardare gli spot televisivi dei prodotti editoriali di modellistica riservati in questi ultimi anni al pubblico maggiorenne: Trattori da collezione; Costruisci e pilota la tua Alfa Romeo; Fiat 500 story; Il tuo acquario, con tanto di «anforetta e retino»; The dog collection, con i cuccioli di cane in miniatura, i collarini, il guinzaglio e persino la cuccia; Facilmente perline, con il set per creare collane, orecchini, bracciali e il bauletto di cartapesta in cui riporli; persino Rosari e corone devozionali, opera di Hachette Fascicoli supervisionata da un sacerdote che poi è stato prontamente promosso vescovo, giusto per capire come si fa carriera oggi nella Chiesa.
Comunque nessuno mi toglierà mai dalla testa che per sprecare le giornate a cercare un Pokémon bisogna essere un Pokomona.
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